Having heard Demi’s name mentioned in the news, my eight-year-old daughter’s ears perked up and she exclaimed, “I love Demi Lovato! What are they saying about her?” Not wanting to completely taint my daughter’s image of this perpetually big-grinned teen star, I explained to her that Demi struggles with feelings of low self-worth and will sometimes do harmful and negative things to herself. My daughter, finding it difficult to understand how this confident-appearing favorite of hers could ever suffer from low self-esteem, responded, “But, Mom, she always looks so happy and sure of herself!”

 Demi’s disclosure on her issues is yet another example that “having it all” does not guarantee happiness or love for ourselves. I found that out during the years I personally spent working in the modeling and acting industries, and learned that true feelings of self-worth can only come from within (to hear the whole story, click here). This is the message I so passionately teach our girls.

Many don’t yet know what cutting is, so I wanted to bring awareness of what it is and offer preventative measures so it doesn’t become an issue in YOUR life.

Much like the “Mean Girl” trend, cutting is  increasing as an unhealthy self-harmful “trendy” behavior, especially with girls. Self-harm typically starts at about age 14, but more cases of kids as young as 11 or 12 doing it show up daily. As more and more kids become aware of it, more kids are trying it.

When a girl “cuts” herself, typically it is self-inflicted straight-line cuts with a sharp object, often parallel like railroad ties, carved into forearm, upper arms, and sometimes the legs. Some girls cut words into themselves, like if they’re having body image issues, they may cut the word ‘fat,’ or if they’re having trouble at school, it may be ‘stupid,’ ‘loser,’ or a big ‘L.’

Self-injury is a coping strategy for feelings of low self-worth and unhappiness. Parents often mistake cutting for suicidal behavior, but psychiatrists believe that self-injury has an effect similar to cocaine and other drugs that release endorphins to create a feel-good feeling. Children in emotional pain cause physical external pain to themselves so they won’t feel their internal pain as much.

And much like a drug addition, cutting typically escalates over time, with more frequent episodes and more cuts each time, because it takes more cutting to get the same relief.

Self-injury begins as a defense against what’s going on in a child’s internal and external life. If emotions and situations feel overwhelming, if they have failed in an area of their lives, of if they struggle for self-identity, this is a way to get “control” and blunt their emotional pain. Very often, girls who self-harm also have an eating disorder and tend to be sensitive, perfectionists, and overachievers.

Our work as mentors of children, and my mission in the work I do with girls, is preventative. Just like keeping our bodies healthy daily with good sleep and nutrition to ward off sickness, we want to daily nurture our own/our child’s self-esteem. And in this case, little things CAN make a difference!

We make choices every day how we handle difficult situation and how to help our children cope with the pain they are experiencing. If a child tells us she feels hurt for others teasing her, we can tell her that she is too sensitive and needs to get on with things, or we can listen to her and see what it is others are saying which is causing her pain. If she says she is unhappy or feels unloved, we can tell her to stop complaining and appreciate all the good things, or we can ask her to explain why and learn from her. If she tells us she feels judged by the comments we make, we can tell her she takes things too personally, or we can listen to her and try to be more accepting and less judgmental.

Be mindful and aware every day. Your responses to what may seem to you like a trivial thing could lead to either empowering her or leading her to seek other ways to numb her pain. Don’t wait to be proactive until she experiences mood changes like depression or anxiety, out-of-control behavior, changes in relationships, communication, and school performance – by then, she is suffering and in pain, and looking for ways to cope with that pain.

Children face so much today, and their emotional capacity to handle things is still immature and vulnerable. Whether they act like it or not, every child needs a strong support system to empower them “from the inside out.” 

It’s getting to be that time of year again when we give up some play time to scramble to get ready for back-to-school. With all the busy preparations, don’t forget the most important one you can do for your child is to begin a new school year with a strong sence of self and healthy self-esteem. With a child being bullied every 7 minutes today in our schools, this proactive element could never be more essential!

To help you empower your daughter and build her self-esteem, I invite you to join me on a free teleclass I’ve been asked to give by the Global TeleClass Network.  I’m honored to be featured along side such inspirational legends as Mark Victor Hansen, T. Harv Eker, Bob Proctor and many others. Below is a description of my class on August 25 – be sure to sign up early as space is limited! And also check out all the other classes offered – all free for you to enjoy from the comfort of your home.

Stay posted as Heartlight Girls brings you more for back-to-school to be “empowered from the inside out!”

PLEASE take 30 seconds and vote for my show, it’s truly essential that you do for it to get noticed. There are over 7,500 submissions at this point, many who entered early and have been able to gather a ton of votes, so I’ve got lots of catching up to do! The good news is that you can vote MULTIPLE times and it’s really easy to do (no signing up, just voting!) Voting closes July 3, so please, VOTE ASAP and VOTE OFTEN…and ask your friends to vote too (how about inviting your Facebook friends to vote?!) We’ve got to create a buzz for Oprah and her producers to notice, and we all know how important a show Empowering Girls From the Inside Out would be!

And if you (please!) add a comment to your vote, it will create even more of a buzz. Let’s show Oprah and her producers how essential it is to give our youth today, especially our girls, the attention they need and deserve to become the powerful women our world needs tomorrow.

Here’s the link to the video and to vote:    http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=19866&promo_id=1 

Please vote, it’s urgent, and important. And pass this along to your friends…and ask them to pass it along to their friends…who pass it along to their friends…you get the idea And don’t forget, you can vote numerous times through July 3rd. Thank you SO MUCH for your support!

We are looking for participants to feature in a few videos we are filming which will share the challenges girls face today with self-esteem. This can be your opportunity to help others, and have fun getting some national exposure! On-camera interviews will take place in the Denver area June 17-19. Here’s what we are looking for:

1. Heartlight Girls/Teens - Girls ages 7 & over and teens who are familiar with the “Heartlight” concept (meaning you’ve read Beauty’s Secret: A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty and/or you’ve attended a Heartlight Girls program) and can speak about shining your light bright – as well as how/where you feel challenged sometimes in doing so. Parents of these girls to be interviewed as well if possible.

2. Girls who are experiencing issues, such as bullying, low self-esteem & low self-worth, body image issues, friendship problems, eating disorders, self-injurious behavior, suicide thoughts or attempts, etc. Extreme cases can be filmed with your identity hidden if preferred.

3. Parents concerned with what their daughters & other girls are facing today, i.e. bullying, unhealthy media, negative role models, peer pressure, etc.

4. Elementary/Middle School Counselors, Principals, Teachers – who can speak about the increase, drama, and dangers of bullying and other girl issues in their schools and in schools today

5. Doctors, Psychologists, Therapists – who work with girls/women and can speak about the dangers of low self-esteem

6. Are you a girl, or do you know one, who is doing amazing and powerful things that will inspire others? We’d love to interview and feature you!

If you, or someone you know, fits one of these categories, is in the Denver area, and can film a brief interview, please email me ASAP at debragano@aol.com. Please let me know your name, email, phone number, category you fit into, age (girls/teens only), and the topic or issue you would like to discuss. Also…for the girls/teens/parents segment, please let me know if you are available Saturday, June 19, between 2-5 pm. We will be doing much of this segment during and following the Mile Hi Children’s Festival which takes place from 10-3 pm that day at Mile Hi Church, 9077 W. Alameda Ave. Lakewood, CO 80226. It’s a fun festival so you can come out early and join the activities – I’ll be there autographing and having a great PRE-SALE SPECIAL on my next book, Star’s Attraction: A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Power!

Interviews with school educators, professionals, and girls with difficult issues will be filmed privately, most likely on Thursday, June 17 or Friday, June 18, your location or ours (TBD when setting up interview).

This truly is an exciting project and we’d love to involve you! Please email me soon if you’re interested in participating. And stay posted, I’ll fill you in more on things soon. If you’re not already connecting with me on my Facebook Fan Page, you’ll want to, as info/news/opportunities, etc. get posted on there almost daily! Here’s the link to “Like”:

  www.Facebook.com/HeartlightGirls 

(For Twitter fans: www.Twitter.com/HeartlightGirls)

As you may know, I’m quite passionate about building the self-esteem of young girls, and as a national speaker and the author of the Heartlight Girls series, I’ve always felt the motivation to do so. Yet as I write this today on my daughter’s eighth birthday (Happy Birthday Ella!), it is in my role as a mother that my passion, and compassion, is fueled even more to make a difference in girls’ lives. With much recent news of teen suicides attributed to depression and relational aggression/bullying, my concern for our youth is magnified, as I’m sure it is with many other parents.

Recent statistics show that every 7 minutes a child is bullied, and that 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, or physically. Bullying causes feelings of rejection, anxiety, and unworthiness in a child; these are some of the same feelings which are the main causes of suicide. The Center for Disease Control reports that the third leading cause of death, behind accidents and homicide, amongst teenagers ages 15 to 24 is suicide.  Even more disturbing is the fact that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 and 14. Self-esteem issues and bullying are worse than ever in today’s schools, and unfortunately often beginning as early as first and second grade and magnifying in the upper elementary and middle school years.

It is with these disturbing facts that I ask your assistance. I dealt with my share of bullying while working in the modeling and acting industries, and it was a challenge even as an adult. But to know our children deal with it on a daily basis breaks my heart. So Heartlight Girls is taking a stand against school bullying. In addition to writing the Heartlight Girls series (the next book, Star’s Attraction: A Girl’s Discovery on Inner Beauty, is due out near the holidays!) and developing products, I’m also building a series of expansive self-esteem programs to develop feelings of self-worth in our girls. And I’d really like your help.

I’d love to know your concerns, your needs, and your desires. What would be helpful to you, and what do you feel would be important in a self-esteem program? Please take a few minutes to share your thoughts by taking a brief survey at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LT3Y535. Please pass this link along to others (parents, teachers, girls), for the more input we receive, the better we can create what you would like to see, as well as incorporate what’s needed to help our youth to stay strong, empowered, and in a position to always make wise choices.

By completing this survey, in addition to being a contributor in this important mission, you’ll be entered into a drawing to receive tickets for you and a guest to attend one of the Heartlight Girls Self-Esteem programs! Girls receiving this email can take the survey themselves, share it with a parent, or ideally, have both of you take it! Then we’ll have double the input, and your family will have double the chances of winning!

Again, here’s the link to the survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LT3Y535. Thank you for your participation. Your opinion will shape the young girls we work with here at Heartlight Girls!

 Star’s Attraction

A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Power

It’s the story of a girl named Star who has an exciting dream she wants to pursue, but becomes intimated by those around her that tease her and say her dream is “too big.” She gets discouraged and starts to believe the critical things others say about her, until one day, she is visited by a mysterious horse, and of course, her Heartlight Angel, who help her realize that anything is possible, as long as you believe in yourself…

Scheduled for release Fall 2010, pre-orders will begin in several months. Stay posted for other sneak peeks as my illustrator Dawn Pitre continues to do her magic…(and if you like horses, you’re going to love this book!!!)

Excited and honored to launch the new Teen Program with the Compass Personal Development Network! Through their unique MAPS programs, a teen can coach with me for a few minutes a day, and for only $19 a month! We’ve developed three powerful month-long programs, you can check it out by visiting www.mylifecompass.com/debragano and click on the TEEN tab in the upper right hand corner. Be sure to watch my video! Give the lasting gift of self-esteem to a teen this Valentine’s Day!

Unfortunately this behavior filters down into our schools with the increasing popularity of "mean girls," and that’s why I am so passionate about getting out there and reaching these girls. It was challenging to handle all this as an adult as a model, but it breaks my heart to see it happen with our young girls today!

More on that at a later time…for now, here is a call to action to help stop a contributing factor to our girls’ obsession with thinness. Filmmaker Darryl Roberts has become an advocate for body acceptance since making the fabulous documentary AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL.  Now he’s spearheading a boycott against Ralph Lauren that’s really intended to get the attention and wise up the whole fashion industry. He needs us all to join the boycott! Here’s the link to sign up for the boycott and learn more about Roberts’ campaign: join the boycott

Also, here’s an excerpt from Eating Disorders Blogs: There’s a storm brewing!  Ralph Lauren’s photo-warped ads have been outed, but he keeps making more, and that’s gotten filmmaker Darryl Roberts hopping mad.  Roberts has become an advocate for body acceptance since making the fabulous documentary AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL.  Now he’s spearheading a boycott against Ralph Lauren that’s really intended to get the attention and wise up the whole fashion industry.

He needs us all to join the boycott BEFORE FRIDAY, December 11.  Here’s why, in his words: "This is only going to take a few minutes, I need you to sign up for the boycott on our Facebook page. Ralph Lauren needs to see how many of you support the boycott and it needs to be at least 10,000. If we don’t reach 10,000 then this particular movement will be discredited by Ralph Lauren. We need 10,000 people to sign up by Friday. Forward this to everyone you know asking them to sign up before Friday. Call them back and make sure that they did it. We have to create a viral grass roots movement. Write comments on the Facebook page. Let Ralph know how you feel. Trust me they will monitor our page heavily."

And if you need a bit more incentive, consider this, also from Darryl: "As you may or may not know, Ralph Lauren is designing the outfits for the Winter Olympics ceremony for 2010. Athletes come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Here is a picture of a real Olympic Skier. Her name is Emily Cook:[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs009/1102070670847/img/1432.jpg?a=1102872102420]

Now, here is a Ralph Lauren sketch that obviously shows his vision and design for this years Olympic Skier:[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs009/1102070670847/img/1431.jpg?a=1102872102420] The drawing looks just like the ridiculous ads he’s been running. Why am I not surprised. He must be stopped!"

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"IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE THAT COUNTS!"

Self-Esteem Empowerment Workshop

Presented by Bestselling Author & Model/Actress

Debra Gano

Learn to overcome your negative self-talk and the need for external approval, and instead move into positive self-love and acceptance to see your true worth!

 Debra Gano comes to Arizona to deliver this empowering and interactive workshop, teaching self-esteem principles "from the inside out." Adults & girls appreciate Debra’s open and amusing style as she discusses unhealthy media, critical peers,  inner beauty, and the importance of connecting to your true essence. You will walk away with a greater sense of self-worth and confidence, feeling more empowered and resilient to withstand life’s challenges.

WHERE: New Vision Center

www.HeartlightGirls.com & www.DebraGano.com

( To see Filippa’s appearance on the Today Show and to read more, click here )

In speaking to young girls about the current and harmful trend of "mean girls" and bullying, I often admit  how well I can identify with what is going on due to my years in the very competitive modeling industry and some of the experiences I had with mean girls. Just like the girls who bully other girls today in our schools, the bullies of the modeling industry did so due to low feeling of self-worth. The modeling industry is brutal on a girl’s/woman’s self-esteem…can you imagine being a size 4 or 6 and constantly told you are too fat? As models, we would get criticized on a daily basis for one physical "flaw" or another. I learned from the bottom up how to build my self-esteem, and that’s why I’m so passionate about teaching it to others through my speaking and books at Heartlight Girls!

I believe the fault lies with the designers and advertisers who put tremendous, unrealistic pressures on the models, which in turn, filters down to the young girls who want to emulate these models. Thank you, Filippa, for speaking up. If enough of us speak up, the world will pay attention! Would love to hear your comments too, please leave one below!